| Current mood: |  sick |
Internet-itis, the joy of Vicks, and other observations
So I have some sort of disease that makes me not realize that I'm on the internet for three fucking hours. It's not a porn thing either; which isn't to say that there aren't times where it is "related" to porn. Just that I'll say to myself, "Self, in about a half-hour you need to go do something else." Three hours later I find myself looking at internet comic strips and web-sites that sell specialty dice.
I'm such a geek.
All hail the mighty Vicks corperation! Or, to put it another way, I've been so fucking sick lately that I'm willing to become a whore to a pharmacutical company because it beats the interesting sensation of feeling like shit.
But serriously. Vicks VapoRub kicks ass, even if it smells like Newport is attempting to make a perfume, their Vick sensted tissues are a god send and I'm almost giffy about the prospects of trying Dayquil.
The goal of the moment? Well I've got a couple running, but the one I'm thinking of right now if my goal to have a deadjournal post to go into therapy with each time I'm going in. I'm still having...eh...difficulty adjusting to a new therapist, and talking about everything that's going on before hand with myself keeps me a bit more on topic and a bit more honest.
Mary Ann and Me. There is a topic.
First off, I'm thinking of asking both her and my therapist is they wouldn't mind sitting down and running a session about me. It's occured to me that a lot of problems between me and Mary Ann have a lot to do with history. I'm getting the impression that my therapist thinks that Mary Ann is a little bit more forceful, insistent, and pushy then she really is. Simply put, he doesn't know about the two years where she was my willing doormat and really got hurt badly because of it.
I'm a fairly shitty storyteller when the story in question isn't humorous and anecdotal. She, for reason that are all too obvious, has a razor sharp memory of everything that has hurt her and fucked her up.
Second off, resent actions and thoughts have brought me to the conclusion that I need to get my life straitened out a bit more then it is right now. As much as I want the relationship I have with Mary Ann to move to the next level, it can't and that's because I'm not ready.
So I've decided to take a willing step back and try and work on myself first. This was before World War Cold 7 hit me square in the face, so the whole self-improvement phase hasn't really gotten anyway yet. More on that when I'm healthy.
Lastly, Mary Ann had to go to the hospital the other day. Originally it was just for a pain management issue. Then, due to some damnable test called a "D-dimer", there is a fear of blood clots in her lungs. While the threat of that seems to be going away, there is still something going on as this is a different sort of pain then she is used to. She stayed over night at the hospital the other day, and another stay seems possible, if not likely. This is bringing up more then a little tension in Mary Ann, who couldn't be more sick of doctors, medicine, and the like.
It also bring into view concepts of mortality, and I cannot seem to take angle on them. Every time I try, my mind sorta end up spinning completely off. I've always know Mary Ann and everyone else in my life could, and will, die at some point. But the realization of that knowledge is...another matter.
